Rambling...

Picture is repurposed from my Facebook feed. 

I talk to anyone who asks me about my adult child, and I will continue to talk about Laura every opportunity I get. She was an awesome person. Laura had the kindest and largest heart. Her laugh was contagious. She idolized her brother. She would have been over the moon about her niece. When she loved someone, that love was overflowing. She was a very loyal friend, sometimes to her detriment. She was an old soul in a young body. She loved animals, especially dogs. Her favorite color was purple. She loved to talk! I can go on and on. My daughter was a caring and gentle person, who left this earth way too early. 

 November 8 will be 16 years since my sweet daughter passed away. November 7, 2008, was the last time I spoke with her. I have been saving voice messages from Laura for nearly 16 years and I will continue to do so. Some days it is hard to hear her voice knowing I can't respond and other days it fills my heart with joy just to hear her call me "Ma." I am blessed that I had the inclination to keep saving the messages before the service carrier would delete them. 

The adage, "Time heals all wounds "doesn't really express the truth. Time can NOT change the deepest heartache a mother feels when her child dies. The void and longing are always present no matter how many years pass by. I will admit the wound slightly changes somehow over time so that you can move forward and learn to live without your precious child. 

Laura, you are loved and missed deeply. 

 

“The loss is immeasurable, and so is the love.” -

Susan Berté

November 8 is approaching, the most horrific day of my life. I don't think grief will ever end because I will never stop loving and missing my girl. It is going to be 16 years that I have been living without my daughter and still there is NOT a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I say good morning and good night every day. Some days I still hold one-sided conversations with Laura. I make sure she hears me when I am delighted spending time with Emma, my granddaughter. Laura would have been over the moon if she was here when Emma was born. I have missed sharing so many experiences with my daughter.

Photograph repurposed from my Facebook feed. Power of Positivity

Keep your mind and hearts open...

 Today turned out to be a special day. We planned to clean up Laura's and other family members' grave sites today, which entails pulling out the marigolds and planting mums.  We woke to a cloudy day and soon a raining one. My husband wanted to postpone the trip, but I stood my ground, and we headed out in the rain. 

We arrived at the cemetery, and it was still raining. Surprisingly, the marigolds were still thriving beautifully! It broke my heart to pull and discard them. I knew it would be a little messy working in the rain.  As soon as we gathered our tools from the trunk and headed toward the graves the rain stopped. I was grateful. We replaced the marigolds with mums, walked over to the garbage can with all the trash and back to say our goodbye to Laura before departing.  Just as we entered the car the rain came pouring down. We were once again in awe. 

Later we found ourselves in Shoprite. The number at the deli counter was 61; I pulled a ticket, and it was number 83 (Laura's birth year). I silently thanked her for letting me know she was clearly with us today.

 Be patience with yourself. A new you is emerging.