A special reminder on Mother's Day

A friend sent me the letter below.  I wish I could give credit and thanks to the author, but I can’t because I don’t know who wrote it or where my friend found it. So, if by chance, the author comes across my blog and reads her words, I hope she will forgive me for posting it without the deserved credit. 

Laura has been gone almost 17 years, but this message still resonates with me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't say a few words to my girl. 

A reminder from your child on Mother’s Day

Dear Mom,

I am still here for you when desperation creeps in between the spaces of our new realities

I am not gone. Every tear you shed, I collect it. I gather the rain, and to each drop I give life to the memories you and I have shared. I step into your dreams when you least expect it, and if you look hard enough you can find me there.

Say my name. Remember me in the quiet moments. They will sustain you when the world intrudes and tries to drown out the sound of the conversations that you still have with me when you think no one else is listening. I am still here.

Mom, my soul is quiet now. It no longer yearns for the things my physical body needed to survive this particular battle. It took everything from me, and I know it took everything from you. You will never realize what that did to my spirit when I passed from that life into this one.

I know you feel like you are losing your mind some days, but when you hear a heartbeat where none should exist, know that it is mine, keeping time with yours.

I am still here. I did exist. I left my mark upon this world, and I am at peace now.

Love, 

your child  💓

 On Mother's Day, it's important to acknowledge the pain of a mother who has lost a child while also honoring her role as a mom.  Franchesca Cox created Still Standing, an online magazine for grieving parents. She says, “A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart.” 

May your heart be overfilled with love. 

Happy Mother’s Day. 

Mother's Day

Political matriarch Rose Kennedy endured an incredible amount of tragedy in her life. Out of her nine children, four died tragically and young. She famously said the following:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." *

I agree with Mrs. Kennedy. No matter how many years go by, this day never gets easier for a mom who lost a child--no matter what age her child was when he/she passed away. My daughter died at the age of 25 and she would have been turning 40 this July.  There's nothing that can take away the utter despair of losing my daughter. A mother just doesn't "get over it" and I will always be her mother.

Over many years the constant agony eventually subsided, leaving me a residual ache in its place. Almost 15 years and I  still think of Laura every day and every night I still say "goodnight" to her. My pain has diminished and like an old injury peaks only at certain times. Not when it rains or the weather changes, but when anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and celebrations approach. Mother's Day being the worst. I do my best to move forward and honor my daughter by living my life and always carrying her in my heart. 

* Reprinted from How to Say ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to a Mother That Lost a Child by Kate Wight, BA in English

Mother's Day 2013

Happy Mother's Day to our
beautiful Blessed Mother

The new norm for my Mother's Day

The weekend started off on Friday evening with a liturgy for parents Grieving the Loss of a Child at Notre Dame Parish in North Caldwell. We have attended the mass the last few years. This year our dear friends, Pat & Jim, accompanied us. The loss of a child (young or older) is unfathomable. The heart pain can’t be understood by anyone who hasn’t experienced it. We can relate to the father who speaks with tears in his eyes and sobs in his throat; thankful that he has to courage to stand in front of the congregation and share his son or daughter’s story with everyone. The stories may vary, but the deep sadness is shared by every parent in the church. Though we are united in grief, we must remember we each grieve differently. The service at this time of the year has an extra special meaning; I am surrounded by mothers and fathers who know what it is not to be able to hug your child, not to hear the laughter that is music to a parent’s ear, not to have the chance to create new memories, and many more things that we will never have the chance to experience with our precious son or daughter. All we can do is remember our children; sadly, we can no longer experience them.


Janet McCormack (Associate Director, Family Life Ministries) did a superb job speaking the names of each child. No matter how long the list is, every name on it is spoken aloud, softly, and correctly. The mass is very poignant; just to hear our daughter's name overwhelmingly touches our hearts.

We remember...

LAURA ELIZABETH CITARELLA

now and forever.

After the mass, people gather downstairs at “Charlie's Place” for light refreshments. The celebrants--Rev. Marc Vicari and Rev. Anthony Randazzo join the group. All the ladies receive a carnation and one person from each table gets to take the geranium home. When I get it I plant it at Laura's grave site. She will be getting a pretty pink geranium.

Fred and I want to “Thank” everyone who volunteers to make the mass for deceased children so special. We truly appreciate it.

For additional information, please contact the Office of Family Life Ministries, Archdiocese of Newark at 973-497-4327.

Then on Mother's Day, I spent time with my son, daugher-in-law, and Julia (Danielle's mom). Danielle and David treated us to brunch at Bel Posto. We had a very pleasant meal together. Thank you kids! All moms received a beautiful red rose from the maître D.

Later in the afternoon we went to D & D's house and we got a chance to see our grand dogs, Jackson and Louie. I had a peaceful, delightful day with my son. (Laura was with us in spirit.)

Julia & Danielle



Claudia & Danielle




David & Mom



HAPPY MOM'S DAY

To my family and friends,

Wishing you a wonderful Mother's Day.

Hoping you are celebrated for all that you do time and time again.

Enjoy the time with those you love!