Taking some time out for fun

Angel Tree at Metropolitian Museum of Art

Amazing stained glass by Tiffany

"Piece by piece, I reenter the world. A new phase; a new voice. Birds console me by flying, trees by growing, dogs by the warm patch they leave on the sofa. It is like a slow recovery from a sickness, this recovery of one’s self."

Toby Talbot



Two years ago when my grief was so fresh and the black hole so deep, I thought this would never happen—that I would take pleasure in the small, ordinary events of life. I thought my perception of the world would always be dominated by this piercing, overriding loss of losing my child. The excruciating pain that stabs my heart no longer cuts into my consciousness all the time. Yet, there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t cry and long for my daughter, Laura. My heart will ache for her until the day I die.

As you can imagine, November and December are extremely hard months to live through. I try to acknowledge the difficulties of the season and do my best getting through the days, I do what I can to cultivate some inner peace, I grant random acts of kindness in honor of Laura, and I try to laugh when I can.

I pray I will not lose my way before the days quiet down again.

Birthday Gift

Laura was in the habit of buying me one carnation for special events. She started doing that from the time
she had her own spending money. Sometimes she would give me carnations just because she was happy
I did something for her. I always told her one is just as good as twelve or more. Of course, if she wasn’t
short on cash, she would buy me more than one. Yet, I appreciated every carnation she gave me.

The night before my birthday, I asked Laura to please, if at all possible, to send me one carnation
for my birthday. I asked my angels to help her accomplish the task. I woke up the next morning
and sent the same birthday request out to the universe. I shared my hope for the day with her dad.

We enjoyed our time at the SD zoo and all the while I kept my eye out for carnations.

The day advanced, the zoo closed, and no sign.

We were seated for dinner at 8:30 pm and I realized then that I wasn’t getting my birthday wish. The
waiter came over to welcome us and handed us menus. The second time he came to us he had one carnation
in a vase and placed it on the table.

The tears started and once again I was grateful for the one carnation.