Mother's Day

Political matriarch Rose Kennedy endured an incredible amount of tragedy in her life. Out of her nine children, four died tragically and young. She famously said the following:

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." *

I agree with Mrs. Kennedy. No matter how many years go by, this day never gets easier for a mom who lost a child--no matter what age her child was when he/she passed away. My daughter died at the age of 25 and she would have been turning 40 this July.  There's nothing that can take away the utter despair of losing my daughter. A mother just doesn't "get over it" and I will always be her mother.

Over many years the constant agony eventually subsided, leaving me a residual ache in its place. Almost 15 years and I  still think of Laura every day and every night I still say "goodnight" to her. My pain has diminished and like an old injury peaks only at certain times. Not when it rains or the weather changes, but when anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and celebrations approach. Mother's Day being the worst. I do my best to move forward and honor my daughter by living my life and always carrying her in my heart. 

* Reprinted from How to Say ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ to a Mother That Lost a Child by Kate Wight, BA in English

Coping with Grief During the Holidays

 Reprinted from Vitas Healthcare. 

https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/holidays-and-grief/coping-with-grief-during-the-holidays

Some Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays

Set realistic expectations for yourself. Remind yourself that this year is different. Decide if you can still handle past responsibilities and expectations. Examine the tasks and events of celebrating and ask yourself if you want to continue them. Accept others' offers to cook, shop, decorate, etc. Consider shopping by phone, Internet or catalog this year if you feel a need to avoid crowds or memories.

Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Share your plans with family and friends and let them know of changes in holiday routines. Memories can sometimes be a source of comfort to the bereaved, so share them by telling stories and looking at photo albums.

Despite the temptation, try to avoid “canceling” the holiday. It is OK to avoid some circumstances that you don’t feel ready to handle, but don't isolate yourself. Make some time for solitude, remembering and grieving, but balance it with planned social activities.

Allow yourself to feel joy, sadness, anger – allow yourself to grieve. It is important to recognize that every family member has his/her own unique grief experience. No one way is right or wrong. Experiencing joy and laughter during a time of grief does not mean you have forgotten your loved one.

Draw comfort from doing for others. Consider giving a donation or gift in memory of you loved one. Invite a guest who might otherwise be alone for the holidays. Adopt a needy family during the holiday season.

Take care of yourself. Avoid using alcohol to self-medicate your mood. Try to avoid the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Physical exercise is often an antidote for depression. Writing in a journal can be a good outlet for your grief. Give yourself permission to buy something frivolous and indulgent, just because.

Create a new tradition or ritual that accommodates your current situation. Some people find comfort by honoring traditions, while others find them unbearably painful. Discuss with your family the activities you want to include or exclude this year. Some examples of new rituals and traditions include:

• Announce beforehand that someone different will carve the turkey.
• Create a memory box. Fill it with photos of your loved one or memory notes from family members and friends. Ask young children to contribute drawings in the memory box.
• Make a decorative quilt using favorite colors, symbols, images or pieces of clothing/fabric that remind you of the person who died.
• Light a candle in honor of your loved one.
• Put a bouquet of flowers on your holiday table in memory of your loved one.
• Visit the cemetery and decorate the memorial site.
• Have a moment of silence during a holiday toast to honor your loved one.
• Place a commemorative ornament on the Christmas tree.
• Dedicate one of the Chanukah candles in memory of your loved one.
• Write a poem about your loved one and read it during a holiday ritual.
• Play your loved one’s favorite music or favorite game.
• Plan a meal with your loved ones’ favorite foods.

The most important thing to remember is there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season after the death of a loved one. The best coping mechanism for the first holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others and take it easy.

Valentine wishes to our girl

 We will never ever forget you Tootie Babe. 

You live on in our hearts. We miss you tremendously.

With all our love, 

Ma & Dad