We miss you, Laura

Dear family, friends, & my earth angels,

It has been 15 months since Laura died. Some people say that after the one-year mark, things get easier. Believe me, they do NOT. We are able to go about our daily routine, take care of the things we need to, go to work, and look like we are doing quite well. However, the pain is as deep and hurtful as it was on November 8, 2008.

There are times that we can put our pain aside and join you for dinner or just hang and laugh with you. And sometimes, even a glimpse of hope sneaks in and the future doesn't look so dim (especially when we spend time with David, Danielle, Melissa, Shawn, and Kyla). Other times, it is a struggle to get up and going. It is still very necessary for me to cry often.

It means so much to us to know that Laura will not be forgotten. We want you to talk about her, we need to hear her name mentioned, we want you to share your memories with us. Please do not be afraid to do so. Please do not worry about making us cry. Our sadness is always on the surface. Allowing us to talk and cry is giving us the best gift you can give.

Fred and I will never be the same people we were before Laura died. Life looks so different to us now. We don't expect you to understand what it feels like losing a daughter and hope that you never find out. Grief is a vicious, demanding, necessary process that we have to go through.

We don't expect advice or for you to make things better for us. We do ask that you be wiling to continue to listen when we need to talk about Laura.

We are forever grateful for your love, support, and friendship.

Pictures from cousin Kim

Pictures are from Kim's baby shower (1999) and her daughter Chloe's (2000) christening.

In this season I will find hope and grief as well

...memory nourishes the heart, and grief abates.

(Marcel Proust from Healing After Loss)

Holidays are the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. We are no different. Sometimes we feel free to talk about the lost of Laura--indeed, we feel there is no way not to talk about her. But after sometime has passed (in our case a year), when the grief is in the background but not really yet assimilated into our lives, it may be even harder--the dull ache of absence, and everyone trying to be cheerful. Believe me it is not easy getting through the holidays.

We tried to return to our usual Christmas patterns this year but we had a lot of breaks from tradition. We did not pull our tree from storage or all the beautiful, sentimental ornaments. I just could not do it. Instead of our large tree, we displayed a small one and placed our nativity under it and surrounded it with angels. I relied on my visions of Laura helping me assemble the tree in 2007. Oh, she was complaining that she had to help, but she did anyway. I have one photograph from that day and I can close my eyes and relive the afternoon.

I did not mail Christmas cards or letters. How do I sign them without Laura's name?

Our Christmas Eve was more intimate than past years. We dined at our house and shared the night with family and dear friends. Our grief was felt whether or not we spoke of it. Thankfully, our memories "nourish our hearts," and helps ease the sharp edges of grief. We gathered as one family and brought comfort to one another just by being there to celebrate the marvelous, special night--Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah

I will be making a conscious effort to wish everyone a Merry Christmas this year. That doesn't mean I forgot my wonderful Jewish friends--to them I wish a very Happy Hanukkah.

Saying "Merry Christmas" is my way of celebrating and honoring the birth Of Jesus Christ.

I am asking my family and friends, if you agree with me, to please do the same.

Maybe we can prevent one more American tradition from being lost in the sea of"Political Correctness."

May the new year bring you lots of happiness and serenity. God Bless.