Angel Quest--November 8, 2009

One year…one year…it can’t be, but it is. The sun and the moon continued to rise, the waves continued to break along the shore, the seasons came and went. A year without my daughter and life still went on around us. A year without seeing Laura other than in our minds and photos, a year without physically touching her, hugging her…a year spent grieving for Laura and loving her always. We continue to talk to her and I continue to write letters to her hoping that she reads my thoughts. The first year without Laura…the most horrendous, painstaking year of our lives.


I haven't posted anything new in a while (although I do have things to post) because I haven't had the will power to do so until I read tonight's passage from "Healing after Loss" with edits by me:

Deeper and deeper we burrow into our grief. Desolations pile on one another.

We wonder if we shall ever see anything on the horizon

but this gloom and sadness.

Then one day, in some moment of quiet reflection (or in my case a room sitting with my dear friends and 30-40 strangers at a workshop), we find ourselves Thinking of Something Else (or validating our belief)! Is it possible?

Although we may feel alive today, we will move

back and forth many times--back into the deep, dark hole

and out again into light.

After a while we will realize it is all one world, that feelings of joy and sadness enrich each other--as a person who has been mortally ill has a new appreciation for the beauty of starlight, the taste of orange juice,the caress of love.

Is it all right? (Absolutely)

Is it being disloyal to our lost loved one--to savor our life afresh? (Absolutely not.)

Are we in danger of forgetting? (How could we ever?)

Not to worry. We would as soon forget to breathe.

Since Sunday on Laura's first anniversary at the Angel Quest workshop I became determined to be open to the possibility of joy in my life, and I will not be afraid or feel guilty anymore because Laura confirmed for me (witnessed by my friends) that she is happy and surrounded by love and light. She wants me to "pay attention to all the signs she sends me." I will try because on that afternoon I promised her I would and that I would go on living my life.


Angel Quest: http://www.lucelucina.com/