In this season I will find hope and grief as well

...memory nourishes the heart, and grief abates.

(Marcel Proust from Healing After Loss)

Holidays are the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. We are no different. Sometimes we feel free to talk about the lost of Laura--indeed, we feel there is no way not to talk about her. But after sometime has passed (in our case a year), when the grief is in the background but not really yet assimilated into our lives, it may be even harder--the dull ache of absence, and everyone trying to be cheerful. Believe me it is not easy getting through the holidays.

We tried to return to our usual Christmas patterns this year but we had a lot of breaks from tradition. We did not pull our tree from storage or all the beautiful, sentimental ornaments. I just could not do it. Instead of our large tree, we displayed a small one and placed our nativity under it and surrounded it with angels. I relied on my visions of Laura helping me assemble the tree in 2007. Oh, she was complaining that she had to help, but she did anyway. I have one photograph from that day and I can close my eyes and relive the afternoon.

I did not mail Christmas cards or letters. How do I sign them without Laura's name?

Our Christmas Eve was more intimate than past years. We dined at our house and shared the night with family and dear friends. Our grief was felt whether or not we spoke of it. Thankfully, our memories "nourish our hearts," and helps ease the sharp edges of grief. We gathered as one family and brought comfort to one another just by being there to celebrate the marvelous, special night--Christmas Eve.

Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah

I will be making a conscious effort to wish everyone a Merry Christmas this year. That doesn't mean I forgot my wonderful Jewish friends--to them I wish a very Happy Hanukkah.

Saying "Merry Christmas" is my way of celebrating and honoring the birth Of Jesus Christ.

I am asking my family and friends, if you agree with me, to please do the same.

Maybe we can prevent one more American tradition from being lost in the sea of"Political Correctness."

May the new year bring you lots of happiness and serenity. God Bless.

Thanksgiving Weekend 2009

We had a pleasant holiday dinner with my sister, brother, niece,
and great nephew and niece. We can’t say it was quiet because you
can never use that word when our little people (as Laura would call
them) are at the house! They are lively and loud little ones.

I finally had the courage to dismantle Laura’s bedroom. I am keeping
things that recall memories of her, such as photos, journals, books,
keepsakes, etc. I think it is best to keep items that have a use so
my memory is jolted when I see them and donate things that others
can use. The following sentence is from one of my bereavement
books: “Shrines have their place, but they are poor backgrounds for
life in the present moment.” I am trying to take this to heart but
it is difficult.

As you can imagine, it certainly wasn’t an easy thing to tackle her
bedroom. We kept her bed and moved it to the guest room along with
her vanity. I gave her friend one of her dressers and I kept the other
in the room for my use. I have been sorting through her clothes for
a while and filled 11 large garage bags for the Red Cross pickup
this month. I donated most of her coats to the coat drive at work
for people in the area. I know Laura would want people to make
use of her clothes. A lot of less fortunate people will be kept warm
this winter with her sweaters, sweatshirts, jeans, boots, sneakers, etc.

On a side note, a few years back, Laura came in contact with a
homeless man. She saw him a lot and befriended him. One day
she came home and said we had to gather some clothes to give to
him, so she and I went into her father’s closet and found
some items. Fred never missed the clothes we offered the man!
(Fred, sorry we kept it a secret!)

My brother and I painted Laura’s room with the color
“sweet serenity.” I keep asking her if she likes the color, so far
no response. I also plead with her to come and visit and let me
feel her presence in the room when I start working on my
quilting projects. I’ll keep you posted...

Lord, grant me the strength to change what can be changed,
the grace to accept what cannot be changed,
and the wisdom to know the one from the other.