Holidays are the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. We are no different. Sometimes we feel free to talk about the lost of Laura--indeed, we feel there is no way not to talk about her. But after sometime has passed (in our case a year), when the grief is in the background but not really yet assimilated into our lives, it may be even harder--the dull ache of absence, and everyone trying to be cheerful. Believe me it is not easy getting through the holidays.
We tried to return to our usual Christmas patterns this year but we had a lot of breaks from tradition. We did not pull our tree from storage or all the beautiful, sentimental ornaments. I just could not do it. Instead of our large tree, we displayed a small one and placed our nativity under it and surrounded it with angels. I relied on my visions of Laura helping me assemble the tree in 2007. Oh, she was complaining that she had to help, but she did anyway. I have one photograph from that day and I can close my eyes and relive the afternoon.
I did not mail Christmas cards or letters. How do I sign them without Laura's name?
Our Christmas Eve was more intimate than past years. We dined at our house and shared the night with family and dear friends. Our grief was felt whether or not we spoke of it. Thankfully, our memories "nourish our hearts," and helps ease the sharp edges of grief. We gathered as one family and brought comfort to one another just by being there to celebrate the marvelous, special night--Christmas Eve.
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