When somebody’s child dies, many people don’t know what to say and, by extension, employers and the US government don’t quite know what to do.
Whether it’s a shooting, an illness, an accident, the dead have one thing in common: They are someone’s child, grandchild or dependent and the families left behind are devastated. And due to an oversight in the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), they often must pick up the pieces without help from America’s businesses or the full protections of laws.
Grief is always lurking around the corner. And when it comes, it comes hardest with the loss of a child, one of the most profoundly disrupting life events that can happen.
I know. I lost my only child in 2001 in a car accident in Scottsdale, Arizona. My friend Kelly Farley from the suburbs of Chicago lost two children during this past decade.
When I grew up on Long Island in the 50’s and 60’s, we shared dreams and hopes for our futures. Losing a child was not anywhere in that picture. Maybe a divorce here or there but if it happened, no one knew what to do. But all of us in Plainview knew they hurt.
But to experience the loss of a child, well Kelly Farley and I, and many others we’ve met along our journey of grief know that there is nothing else like it.
Many of us, drowning in our grief, stayed away from politics as it was the last thing on our mind. But Kelly Farley and I decided that we want to do something to honor our children and to support other grieving parents.
In 2011, Kelly Farley and I began The Farley-Kluger Initiative, an online petition to amend the Family Medical Leave Act of 1993, to add loss of a child to covered conditions. And now, Change.org has picked up the challenge. Under current law, workers get 12 weeks of unpaid leave to have or adopt a child, or care for a sick family member. But when you lose a child, you get the customary 3–5 days of bereavement leave and are forced to return to the workplace, still broken, still grieving. Work is the last thing on your mind. You just need time.
Fast forward to May 2015 when our efforts, joined with forces in Congress, resulted in The Sarah Grace-Farley-Kluger Act (HR2260 and S1302) to add loss of a child to the FMLA. By year’s end, the bills had accomplished something previous bills did not: they have bi-partisan support.
Republicans, Democrats, Independents, Tea Partiers, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Whites, Hispanics, Asians, African-Americans, rich, poor, all lose children. Death doesn’t look at the demographics or the voter registration roles. Death does its ‘job’ without any bias.
So this begs the question: why is this effort, with more than 45 combined sponsors, still sitting it committee? Is it politics? Who will be offended if a grieving parent gets unpaid leave to mourn?
Some say it hurts businesses, but let’s really look at that claim.
An FMLA-regulated business (50 or more employees) hires, trains and invests in a worker for several years. That worker loses a child. He or she is forced to return to work after a few days. The grieving parent suffers, his or her work suffers, productivity goes down, the business stalls, the person cannot perform and is fired and bottom line: tens of thousands of dollars are tossed out the window. Real dollars. Not to mention the cost of hiring and retraining.
And what of the people who mourn whose pain affects us daily: the school bus driver, the law enforcement official, teachers, surgeons, factory workers, soldiers, truckers, first responders, electricians, just to name a few? Do you want to get on a plane, piloted by someone who just came back from 3–5 days after loss of a child? I don’t.
Reps. John Kline and Tim Walberg in the House and Lamar Alexander in the Senate have the power to move these bills forward and let them be heard. But this is not about power. It’s about compassion for the American worker, as well as concern for American businesses and the customers they serve.
This is clearly the time to bring this to the national stage. For Kelly Farley and me the question is simple: if not now, when?
Barry Kluger is a public relations executive and writes for The Huffington Post and City Brand Media. He and Kelly Farley talk about their children daily.





https://www.change.org/p/please-join-us-in-asking-rep-john-kline-rep-tim-walberg-and-sen-lamar-alexander-to-allow-grieving-parents-time-off-to-mourn-their-loss-and-move-our-bills-in-congress-hr2260-and-s1302-need-your-support